Showing posts from March, 2020

Self-care in a scary time....

I was noticing today that the stress and anxiety of the time is making my tremor show up more. I am not overly surprised, although, I don't necessary feel stressed except for the constant heartburn in the pit of my stomach. Ugh. Years ago I was diagnosed with Essential Tremor after a year of having severe facial tics and other issues. These tremors don't show up that often unless the stress level is almost unbearable. So I guess that's where I am. This isn't really about me and my tremor, but rather in a time of high stress, what do you see coming up for you? How do you care for yourself? This is a strange and scary time, a time when we hear about the storm that is brewing but we are watching from outside. Some people are directly experiencing the effects of this virus, either themselves getting sick, or others around them. I can't even imagine being in that boat. I, on the other hand, am spending most of my time trying to stay out of the way so I can keep m

Day by day the Timbers are away...

During March, the Timbers season begins. Well, every year until this year. This year we are in Quarantine, Social Distancing, which would be virtually impossible in the Timbers Army. We stand together, literally, and cheer boisterously for our Boys.  Five years ago, this strange family, clad in green and gold, saved me. I had just watched my son nearly die and i was lost. My entire life was crumbling around me but at these games I had people reaching out, offering me a hand up. The Timbers are home, Providence Park is Church, a place where I feel safe, feel cared for, feel loved. I have found my people there. When it's game day, I am excited to see my people, spend time with them, feel their love. Together we feel the highs of victory and the lows of defeat, but best of all we do it together! Over the last five years, these days have boosted my spirit, helped me to feel grounded, gave me an emotional home. These days have helped me heal. Today, I sat at home for what feels

Quarantine Day (Not sure depends on when count started)

Holy Cow Batman! I haven't posted in forever! I am not sure what that says. This year has been both challenging and freeing. I am finally feeling more settled into myself, which hasn't happened in a long time. This month marks the five year mark from Javad's seizure. It seems strange that it has been five years. One one hand it has been a lifetime ago and yet it seems like it was yesterday. So much has changed in my world. I am not longer married, although I feel like we are in a much better place than we were for some time, and I am dating a wonderful man. I feel more at peace than I have in some time. It's hard not having Javad with me, but he is in the home he has grown up in, in the room that was built for him. All in all...things are good. That brings us to this past week. We are knee deep in COVID-19 and the Quarantine that comes with it. It is such a strange time. One would think with all of Javad's sickness and hospitalizations, I would be prepared for