Giving yourself permission

I just finished the book Pound the Stone by Joshua Medcalf, which I highly recommend, and have now begun listening to Braving the Wilderness by Brene` Brown. Both of these books have spoken to me in a deep place. In Elizabeth Gilbert's book, Big Magic, she speaks of giving yourself permission. Permission to live a creative and amazing life.

"You do not need a permission slip from the principal's office to live a creative life. Or if you do worry that you need a permission slip - THERE, I just gave it to you. I just wrote it on the back of an old shopping list. Consider yourself fully accredited. Now go make something."

Brene` Brown also speaks of giving yourself permission. I related to her feelings of not fitting in throughout her life. It is difficult when you feel like an odd duck within your family and friends, not connected and yet still a part. Looking down on the life you are living, floating above, unattached. For years I have felt frustrated and ashamed that I didn't fit in. I felt like something was wrong with me. The fact that I couldn't connect became judgement on myself, proving again and again there was something defective about me.  I placed pressure on myself to be the best, rise above, filling my plate with so much that, realistically, I couldn't be successful at it all, then beating myself up because I wasn't successful. A never ending cycle of frustration, fear, shame, isolation.

As the last year has ended, I am determined to end that cycle. I want to be satisfied with the person I am, what I have to offer.  I am taking Brene` Brown's advice and giving myself permission to celebrate who I am. Celebrate my unabashed energy, my sometimes snarky responses, sometimes sailor mouth and honor my desire to be successful, loved, and cherished. I will be surrounding myself with people who celebrate those qualities in me, who want me for who I am.

In 2018, I will be giving myself permission to be who I am and step out of the cycle I have created my whole life. I guess I need to write myself that permission slip.

I am grabbing some paper and a pen. Here we go.