Today is the first day of Spring Break. Well, to clarify, at 3:10pm today, I was officially on spring break. This year I am trying to find some solace. I have some specific goals that I want to accomplish, some of which I have been trying to get done for a few years. Two years when Javad had his seizure, I went into a deep depression, a hole that I struggled to dig myself out of. At work, I coped, barely getting through each day without crying. My room piled with piles and my life was a disaster. I have been trying to dig myself out for the last year. Then my Grama died this last May and that was a definite setback. I looked forward and continued because not continuing wasn't an option. One day at a time I have been healing, one breath at a time. I am better than I used to be, but still not better. I don't cry every day. Sometimes days, even a week goes by without crying. I feel accomplished when these weeks happen. Somehow through all this, Imanaged to do my job, not well,
Showing posts from March, 2017
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Dear Javad, Today marks two years since the day that changed our lives forever. Two years ago, while I was at school at African Family Night, I got a call from your older brother saying that you were unresponsive. My heart sunk because in the background, I heard your dad's voice and the panic was clear...something was very wrong. I told your brother to call 911 and I gathered my things and began the long drive home. I called home as soon as I was in the car, after calling Grami to go to our house to be there for support. Grami, who arrived at our house amazingly quickly, answered at first and told me that the paramedics were doing CPR...your heart had stopped. My heart was pounding and for the longest time (four long minutes), I waited on the phone, wondering if this was it....wondering if you were going to slip away and I wouldn't be there. I could hear my heart in my heart and began taking deep breaths, almost panting in the car. My legs were on fire and numb...I couldn'