Showing posts from September, 2016

A small glimmer of light...

Today marked a step in the right direction for the giraffe boy. This morning, after a few rough days, Javad returned back to school. Eighteen months after a devastating seizure...almost eighteen months exactly, he was back. He is only going for half a day, but it's a start. I think about the last eighteen months. It's been rough. I am still struggling with grief. Sometimes I feel like guilty that I feel grief...I am still struggling with the incredible sense of loss and sorrow. I go through the days, mostly okay. My goal is to not cry...each and every day. Sometimes it's when I'm alone, sometimes I'm not. The tears just often makes me feel weak. Today was a small crack of light shining in. A day where a glimmer of hope became rooted. Javad went back to school today. I'm not saying that things are ok, but I think they're slowly getting better.

Stay Positive...

So last year when school was getting ready I was trying to feel hopeful about so many things. I didn't realize I was in such a pit...maye because I hadn't struck bottom yet. I think I found the bottom this past year and am now crawling up. I say that I am crawling because it is the best description of how I feel I am right now...Crawling back into my life. Realistically, I am in the rebuilding phase. Depression and sorrow are real. Sorrow driving to depression is even more real. People often discount that those who are strong can struggle. That is the story of my life these days. I am trying to refuse to let this sorrow control my life any more. This year will be better. I am ready to finally turn a new leaf over...I am ready to move forward, whatever that might mean. One day at a time, I work on healing. Maybe this will be my year. Maybe next year I'll be able to say "Good Job did it!"