Showing posts from August, 2016

Creating a Life...

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." ~George Bernard Shaw This is one of my favorite quotes. I remember when I first read this it was like a bolt of lightning surged through me. The power of creation  can feel overwhelming. We are in the ultimate power position...creating the life that we want. I think about my youth and the daily grind of floating through daily life, there was no real concern for the future, just taking things as they came. It's interesting watching time begin to examine the bigger picture...what is it that prompts this? Sometimes it's age, sometimes it's regret....for me, it has been grief and sorrow. A chasm so big that it seemed uncrossable. I was defeated...Head hanging. I knew that the pit was deep. When I opened my eyes the walls of the chasm were there. I felt defeated. It seemed like nothing was going to help....that this feeling was going to be one that lasted forever. Dead inside, a

The beating of my heart...

Today was one of the most epic, life altering days. For many who have read yesterday's blog (and possibly the OregonLive article), this is not new news. Today I nearly had to pinch myself just to see if it was real. I was talked to by co-workers, my phone blowing up from tags on Facebook. It has been surreal. You need to understand the hole I have been has been so deep that I wondered if I would ever get out. The storm has been swirling around my head, in my heart, making the beating so loud I can barely hear. The TIFO from yesterday's game seems fitting, "When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drums." Les of my greatest memories. I watched it in London years of the first times I was alone and traveling. I watched from an "obstructed view" seat, leaning on the railing with my head on my hands. Tears streamed down my face, the power of the message so clear and strong. Freedom...That trip, long ago, signifie


For those of you who read this regularly (or sometimes), you know what this last eighteen months has been like. There have been highs and lows...lots of lows! Since Javad's seizure, I feel like I have been living in a fog. Work has been rough, home has been rough, life...has been rough. Javad's healing from that fateful day has been slow...sometimes painfully slow. Throughout his life, I have tried hard not to ask for more...ask for things that seem unreasonable but when it comes to your children, it's hard. When it come to Javad, it's especially hard. He just has gotten some crummy breaks, times when it feels like we are moving one step forward, then a zillion steps backwards. It can be hard not to feel a bit defeated. I think the winds of change are coming...I feel it! This weekend I walked Portland to Coast for the second time with a group of amazing women! Last year, we were somewhat strangers...every one of us knowing someone on the team, but not necessarily more