I was just looking at my list of blog posts and it has been over a month since I have written. This is a long time for me, It is also very telling. Writing is a form of therapy. It is a way that I work through my life, celebrate the good, discuss the not so good. So one might think...hooray....the lack of writing means all things rainbow and unicorn, but I am sorry to say that is not true. This is what I have learned this last month... living from a place of trauma is a real thing. trying to maintain a normal exterior when your insides feel like they are crumbling is hard. teaching is a hard job and sometimes I feel wholly inadequate to do it. I may look strong but I need to be held up more often than one might think. when I am scared and feeling alone, I become needy and immature in many ways...a person that I don't like. it is a hard balance between "staying strong" and being real. Last year when Javad had his seizure, I was changed. So many things changed.