Memories like razors in the mind...

Recently I was asked to submit a story for a book around the subject of parenting a medically fragile child. I have been mulling around the story ideas for a few weeks and, frankly, I should have gotten my submission in some time ago. The focus of this book will be to give perspective to medical professionals as well as to parents, which helps to give a focus for my story. When deciding what to write, I realize that there are many events over the last fourteen years that I could write about, but trying to focus on one has been the challenge.

Clearly Javad's most recent episode is the one most prominent in my mind...it is the one that has made the most profound impact on our lives. So, today I began writing...I didn't realize how much everything is still in the forefront of my mind, even after nine months. It is almost profound what the mind can do, remembering the smallest of details. I mean, it took me over a month to learn the names of my students this fall and yet I can tell you exactly where I was standing last March when I received the phone call from home about Javad.

Memories are a strange thing, cutting like razors on the mind. Small little cuts, which together create a wound that is raw and open.

So tonight, I am struggling to finish the story, maybe because although the initial part of the story is done, we are still living in the repercussions. Our story is not done.

There are so many things about my life that have been altered with this story, directions that are being challenged, wounds that were opened. I feel that maybe continuing to write about it is one way for real healing to begin. It seems like it is the only way...it's like walking into the light. It might be the only way to see.