Posts

Showing posts from October, 2015

A wave of relief...taking large gulping breaths...

Image
This has been a rough few weeks. I have reached a low of lows...one only rivaled by a low I experienced almost twenty years ago when I returned from California. This last few weeks was a bit frightening in my heart of hearts because I recognized that place I was approaching. Being older and wiser helps, that's for sure, but I still recognized the signs. This prompted me to take action.

I recognize, as Newton's Third Law say, that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, which means that for each decision I make there will be some response from another place. I am okay with that because at this point no movement means no progress. I am ready for some movement in some direction so here I am...taking small positive steps in a (hopefully) better direction, knowing that the ultimate outcome is unknown.

Isn't that the way life is? When you are up against the wall between a rock and a hard place something has to give. I realize now that Javad's seizure in Mar…

Just keep swimming...

Image
I received a gift today...from a few friends from far away...this is a place where I am able to open my heart, my soul. I know that this is not just me, but this is the me that I don't really talk out loud about, the person who reveals cracks, the place where I can admit that I am not strong. This is not an easy thing for me...I like to believe that I am one who can handle things so that way things are right now brings an extra level of vulnerability...I try not to equate "not being strong" with being weak.

So, the gifts from afar helped my soul. Two special messages that renewed my spirit. It reminds me that, even when I feel like I am alone in the ocean, there are floaties nearby.

Underwater....

Image
Sometimes it just seems like life is not running in your favor...As I stated on Facebook the other day, "I feel like life is coming at me like a firehose to the face." I am usually the strong one, the one that can handle it. Right now, I am feeling underwater. My cup is empty and I have no reserves. There is only one other time in my life when I have felt this way and it was long ago. That time in my life wasn't a good one, one where my grounding had fallen away and I was floating aimlessly through life.

Now, not to panic, I feel like work is definitely grounding in many ways...at least I have much to do, lots to keep me busy, but I still feel that I am floating around in the space of my life. I am reaching out, probably too much, trying to find those around me who will help me keep my head in the right space. I'm not going to lie, it's a struggle to keep my mind in the space where it belongs. I have many amazing things happening in my life, I don't want to s…