Yoda..wisdom he has

Yoda is my favorite character from Star Wars. His wisdom recognizing and naming the obvious is, at times, astounding! Tonight I realized that as time goes on, people's lives move forward even as mine has slowed down. Our story continues to unfold, but the novelty of our story has begun to fade. I don't write each night for you., for the most part..I write for me. It has become, over time, a sort of therapy, a way to sort through the feelings that swirl around in my head.

The strangeness of it all is that I want to move on, move forward, but I don't want to forget where we have been. I don't want to be forgotten, I don't want Javad to be forgotten.

I realize how selfish that sounds, like this is all about me, but I worry that somehow the fading of the positive energy being directed toward Javad and his healing will somehow impact his recovery.

I believe that it takes a village...a village to raise a child, and, in my experience over the last thirteen years, a village to heal a child. The MTM community has been instrumental in helping us raise Javad, heal him, and love him to our fullest extent. I want that village to continue to surround us, surround him with their strength and love. bring peace to our souls.

Yoda says (in his Yoda-ly way) that my fear must be named before it can be banished. The fear has always been the same...the fear of being alone, being abandoned. In the past this was reflective on me, the person, rather than now, me, the mother. I can't do this alone...we can't do this alone. We are exhausted, spent, but gather our strength from those around us, our village. So I have named it, my fear...to banish it, I need to trust that those around me will stay, that we will not be forgotten, even when it is hard to remember. We will continue to be surrounded and wait for healing...healing that the mighty Yoda might help bring...or maybe that's just a fairy tale...or something bigger, like the Force!


  1. I think of you every day and am so grateful you write. I am glad it is for you but is so uplifting to others. I continue to send love and healing energy, you and your sweet family are not forgotten.


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