The Frenzied Crawl...

Today marks three weeks since "the event." It seems strange, three weeks, twenty-one days. If this had been a good thing, we would not even recognized it's passing. Instead it feels like the longest twenty-one days I can remember in many years. The days slowly pass while I watch the furious and frenzied pace of those around me. In some ways it is like watching a movie where the main character is standing in the middle of the screen and the world is swirling around them yet each object moving at the pace of molasses. It is a surreal scene with both the fast and slow simultaneously swirling about.

So much has changed in three weeks...our world turned upside down, celebrating now the slightest of movements as if we have gone back thirteen years and are re-experiencing J's birth. Just when I feel like an expert, I am the learner again, now not only sitting at the buffet of new medical terms and innuendos, but also re-learning our own son who cannot communicate effectively and seems frustrated that we are unable to navigate his desires.

It is a stark reminder of the fragility of our experiences and how tranquility can be a bit of an illusion. Once the curtain is pulled back, we begin to see those who are controlling our emotions and the actions that create the manageable conditions that we have become accustomed to.

Not to sound like a cynic, for each step forward, whether being crawl or a stride, is movement in the right direction. Whether one step forward then two steps back, ultimately we are moving forward...we will reach our destination over time via the frenzied crawl...