Energy (or lack thereof)...

Some days while I am sitting here with the littlest boy, I am reminded (by my body) that I am not young anymore. When he was smaller (and we were all younger), it was much easier to bounce back from the stress and drama that sometimes surrounds having a cutest boy with medical issues. As I sleep on my bouch (not quite a bed, not quite a couch) each night in his room, my body reminds me in the morning that my youth is fleeting and dealing with medical issues for weeks at a time not only impacts my mental and emotional health, but my physical health as well.

Javad has had some hits to his energy too. Yesterday was a glorious day that was filled with a lot of fun and joy, while last night Javad's heart started ramping up, beating at 174 bpm and his blood pressure rising. He had a temperature (which made him feel like he was on fire) and he was generally unhappy. A variety of procedures and gathering of various fluids for cultures resulted in a sad and exhausted boy. Today he slept. I know that, for him, sleeping is a time of healing. This is what I have explained to the doctors, why it is so important to give him time, time for healing.

For me, today, I had some of that feeling too. Around 4pm I hit the wall. While talking with our daughter, Stesha, I was hit by a wave of exhaustion. I, literally, could not go on anymore. I needed to take a nap. Two hours of (somewhat) rejuvenating sleep, I woke up to find that visitors had been here and much activity had been in the room.

We rely on our energy to make it through these tough times, but we also have to listen to our bodies and honor the feelings of sleepiness and fogginess we might have. Honoring this piece is actually allows us to take the time we need, to honor that we are not our self of the past and that we are all in different places with our personal energy. I am ready for mine to feel renewed.


  1. Continue to take care of yourself as well as your family. Sounds like more like a long distance run than a sprint and you need energy for this. Sending you love and healing energy.


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