Returning to normal...

I sat at home while the funeral was happening. My daughter would send me an occasional message, I would return one of support. My heart was heavy, thinking of my friends and their heartbreak, their daughter who is angry with the world for taking her brother away. There is nothing I can do for them, which breaks my heart...I wish I had the power to take the pain away...not only for them, but for all the families that have had to bury their sweet angels. It never gets easier...each one as painful as the one before it. My hope is that the time before we find a cure is less...it happens sooner rather than later.

Tonight I got a call that my Grama, who had a stroke recently, may have had another episode. My parents came to pick me up and we went to visit. She has pneumonia, is feeling crappy, and is in isolation because she is contagious. My Grama is my "person," you know...the one that grounds you. I want her to get better. I know that she is no spring chicken (she's 95), but I need her to pull through this...I am not ready!

I am not sure what going back to normal looks like...things are not normal. It isn't normal to lose a child...it isn't normal to have my Grama be so sick...it just isn't normal!

I want things to be easier...I want kids to be healthier, I want my Grama to be healthier...I really do want to return to normal...whatever that looks like...that's what I want.