Reaching out to the Gum Lady...

I write to help me process. I write as a way to think. I started this blog over a year ago for both reasons and, in return, it has given me so much more...It honors me that people choose to read my words...it also gives me comfort.

Last night I went to the hospital to see my Grama. She was admitted yesterday due to edema in her legs, fluid in her lungs. She has a combination of pneumonia, edema and congestive heart failure. I am not delusional...my Grama is 95 years old.

My Grama is one of the strongest women I know. When I was a child, she and my Grampa would come and pick me up almost every Wednesday and Sunday for church or youth group. We would spend the day (or afternoon) together, eat, play games. I waited each week for these days...they were special and unique. I was the center of the universe these days...the most important person around.

After church services on Sundays, my Grama, lovingly known as "The Gum Lady," would let children choose from her magical bag...gum, mentos, sometimes small candies lay waiting for the chooser. My Grampa owned a pharmacy, so he would order mentos and gun by the boxful so she could supply yearning children.

I had special street cred (or maybe church cred) being the Gum Lady's granddaughter. She was the epitome of awesome, so, by association, I was treated pretty awesome as well. Since the only family my friends at church knew about was my dad and my grandparents, I was given a free pass by many.

Once, when I didn't want to go home due to my mom's boyfriend who was a total creep, my Grama went in to have a "chat" with my mom. Now, to understand, my Grama was a quiet woman, one of few words and, definitely not words of any aggressive sort toward another. The story goes that my Grama went in to have a chat with my mom, explaining to her that she needed to clean herself up, she needed to parent me better, she needed to love passionately as well as parent passionately.

Watching this phase of my Grama's life has been a challenge. She has always been there. I remember when I was young, I used to make her promise to "be there" for certain events...first it was high school graduation, then marriage, then college graduation, birth of my daughter, happily married to my second husband, then the boys, finally Javad. She has been my foundation for so long I can't imagine going through life without here...there are so many things that I want her to see, feel, be here for.

Last night she had a good night. A lot of fluid was drained off and she is looking a bit better. I am hopeful, I have faith that this is a step in the right direction. In some ways, I know that this is giving me time...time that I would love to last forever...

Maybe I can build a magical time tunnel where I can go with her...we can hold hands, she can impart more wisdom on me, just be with me...I am not sure I know how to do my life without her...the thought of it makes my heart clench and brings tears to my eyes. I know that she must be tired and miss Grampa who is waiting, but I am not quite ready yet...

maybe someday, but not today and not tomorrow either...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Javad....

Kisses....

The Phoenix...