Looking inside...starting anew...

Once you have opened up and let people into the rabbit hole, it is hard to know what to say. I am here...I am moving forward, I am building something new and fresh...

I am ready to begin this new stage in my life...

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Dear Javad....

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Dear Javad,

Today marks two years since the day that changed our lives forever. Two years ago, while I was at school at African Family Night, I got a call from your older brother saying that you were unresponsive. My heart sunk because in the background, I heard your dad's voice and the panic was clear...something was very wrong. I told your brother to call 911 and I gathered my things and began the long drive home. I called home as soon as I was in the car, after calling Grami to go to our house to be there for support. Grami, who arrived at our house amazingly quickly, answered at first and told me that the paramedics were doing CPR...your heart had stopped. My heart was pounding and for the longest time (four long minutes), I waited on the phone, wondering if this was it....wondering if you were going to slip away and I wouldn't be there. I could hear my heart in my heart and began taking deep breaths, almost panting in the car. My legs were on fire and numb...I couldn'…
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Kisses....

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Have you ever really thought about the act of kissing? Two pairs of soft lips pressed together, emotion being transmitted from one pair to the other. Kissing is one of the most intimate acts we can engage in with another person. Most people think that sex is the most intimate, but if you really think about it...kissing tops the list.

Kissing is that first foray into a relationship, the first step in opening ourselves up to another. Relationships are complicated, both those of the romantic nature and those of the platonic. Deciding if you want to take a relationship to the "next level" can be heart wrenching. Opening your heart and soul to another is intimate, exciting, and frightening.

When we are young, we anxiously await our first kiss, that first connection with another human that we aren't related to. Often these first connections are found behind shrubs, buildings, nooks and crannies hidden away for these private meetings.

Our first real relationship, where you beg…
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Healing...

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Grief is a strange and amazing teacher. The last two years have been filled with lessons that I never imagined were necessary to experience or learn yet one has followed another. It has been, at times, so difficult that I thought I would break. Grief is also strange because it is an intensely personal, yet public emotion. Others try to understand and support, but really no one can wrap the feelings up other than yourself. It is a journey that must be walked alone. One of the loneliest journeys I have experienced, a time when even those who care deeply have been kept away.

The Five Stages of Grief are real and tangible. I think about two years ago in the months following Javad's seizure, I was stunned and in survival mode. I was going through the motions, in denial that the outcome could be anything other that compete and full recovery. Six months in a medical coma began to shift my feelings. I would talk to a God that I wasn't sure I believed in, asking for healing of my sweet…
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