Showing posts from February, 2014

Road Block...

For the last few weeks I have been experiencing a serious roadblock in my brain. I have been stuck. Life has taken over and stopped me from being able to think, create, move forward...It is interesting when this happens in one's life...a road block is before you and instead of moving around it, you stop and sit...waiting for the block to move or be removed. In reality, we must be the movers of our on blocks. Sitting and doing nothing means we cannot move forward. The frightening part is that, at times when sitting, we actually believe that we have no control over our situation. We pull out the lounge chair, gets comfortable, and wait for a sign...something that says that it's time...we can move forward. I let myself fall into the abyss...I have been climbing the walls trying to get back to the top, only to be met with impossible turns, emotional traumas, and mental stress. I want to refuse to be there...I want to be at the top, feeling the warmth of the sun on my face. I


I am beginning to see that I am at a crossroads. I have been looking at the signs along my journey, wondering what it is they are trying to tell me. Each one I pass, I read in depth, looking at the front and back, wondering if this is the place where I am to choose? I have yet to find the place that gives me true clarity, but what I am clear about is that I am not there yet... Sometimes in life, clues are dropped along one's way...we just have to be aware and open minded to see them. The last eighteen months has been about this journey, so much that when the  Brave Girls Club  put out a class called "The Walk," I knew I had to join. The Walk  describes my journey to a T. Walking with the Brave Girls has been incredible. A group of women, that I only know with my heart, are building a community where they freely share their victories as well as feelings of defeat. Making maps of our lives can bring out painful memories, causing emotional scars to be revealed. These map

What you see...

" When you do what you want, not what you wish," said the first raven. "When you no longer seek your reflection in others eyes," said the second. "When you see yourselves face to face," said the third. "Then," they said in unison, "You will have found what you truly seek." ~ In a Glass Grimmly by Adam Gidwitz It seems in life that we are often caught in a trap through others eyes rather than looking within...finding what we seek is a challenge. Too often we are influenced by other's around us desiring to be looked upon favorably rather than looking within, finding what it is that  we  seek or desire. Finding our own vision of voice is crucial to long term success, and often long term happiness. When we are judging our own success through the eyes and visions of others, we will never be satisfied, desiring others inputs to move forward. To find our own success, we must forge ahead, focus and motivating not only yourself to m

Being Brave...

BRAVE: [breyv] 1. possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance noun 2. a warrior Being Brave is hard...each of us walking different journeys, taking different paths. So much of life is spent looking at others, making comparisons about them and the path they are taking...are we in better shape? worse? is our life more difficult? should we even complain? Instead of being with our own journey, we focus on others and compare as a way to justify whatever lies we continue to telling ourselves. Life is not about comparing ourselves to others...Life is about walking our own journey and supporting others on theirs. It's not about  better or worse.  Each of us has had our own experiences...we lived them...does it really matter what level of "bad" they are to justify our feelings about them? Surviving bad circumstances makes you a made it and you now have experiences that can make you more empathetic towards others. You are now en

Snow Day...

Why is it that we are all thrilled with the idea of a Snow Day? Snow Days represent something deep from our childhood...a day away from school, playing with chocolate with marshmallows, cookies, the fire. They're spectacular. As an adult, snow days bring us home where we can truly relax and contemplate. On Thursday we were sent home early from school due to inclement weather. There was a storm coming that was going to pummel Portland with multiple inches of snow. For those not from this are, our level of concern around snow is far different than those from the midwest or east, but we don't get snow here very often. Friday was declared a snow day as well. It was a day to reflect and contemplate the journey I am on. I didn't get out of bed...I watched "trash TV," I doodled in my journal, working on the title page. I looked at the project that I am to work on for my class through The Brave Girls Club. I am struggling with the's mak

Olympics: Glorious or gross?

"The practice of sport is a human right. Every individual must have the possibility of practicing sport, without discrimination of any kind and in the Olympic spirit, which requires mutual understanding with a spirit of friendship, solidarity and fair play." – Olympic Charter Sport, a potential dividing activity, is coming together in Sochi to unite. New events, brilliant venues...all parts of the Olympic experience. Yet there is a dark underbelly. Russia's policies regarding the LBQT community has come to the forefront...videos showing public beatings of gay young men and those standing for gay rights. The Olympics has always been a venue for the best in the sporting world...athletes come from all countries to represent their homeland and are cheered by the world for what they bring and represent. Watching a single skier coming in far behind the pack, a crowd cheering them on, sends chills up my spine. Honoring those who honor their country is an amazing site to see.

More than a set of rings...

The Olympics are coming...(Sounds a bit like the British are coming!!) and I am excited! Every two years, we gather around to watch representatives from every country show what they've got in their chosen sport. I love the Olympics, the rings, the spirit, the competition. The Olympics are a special time...a time when countries unite, toward friendly (or not so friendly) competition where the best person (on that day) wins a fabulous prize...a gold medal! This medal gives them bragging rights throughout the world and, for some, it elevates them to the level of royalty within their society. Watching the Olympics means that we see those who are struggling as well as those who are at the top. Each is having the opportunity to valiantly represent their country on this world stage. I love the allows me to cheer for places and people I don't know about, relish in the power of representing one's country, enjoy the awesomeness of their event for the day. The ri

Coffee, migraines, and Mondays...

Today was the beginning of the second semester for my 8th graders. They were given a talk, told how important this semester is for their future, given a pep talk to encourage their focus and motivation. I have given this talk over and over, or at least some form of it. Some of the students will listen and work hard...others will be unaffected and continue with their behavior. It is sometimes frustrating to teach 8th grade...after all, as an adult, I know how important it is to find positive behavior patterns, how crucial it is to get their life together now. As a teenager, I imagine that they are rolling their inner eyes at me, assured that I do not  know better. It is time...we are all on our own journeys. Some of my students struggle and it is my job to reassure...some of them are confident in their knowledge, yet do nothing to assure of their knowledge, finally some of them struggle and the remainder of the year will be building them mathematical problem at a time. I

Thinking about the Carnival...

I am taking an online class called "The Walk" through the  Brave Girls Club . I discovered the Brave Girls Club last year at the peak of the intensity that was last year. There are some amazing resources there and if you'd like an inspiring email every day, you can get that too...not to mention there is something for girls as well. The first part of the class is to map out what is being called The Carnival , what you don't want in your life, as well as The Campfire , what you do want in your life. When thinking of these two metaphors, I find irony. When I was in the 8th grade, my life was becoming out of control. My mother was living with a (flirty) drug dealer who relished in talking about my mother when she was high. She was thin and scarecrow-like, looking like a skeletal clown, of sorts. It was a frightening time of ambiguity and insecurity. One thing that brought me joy was the carnival, the real live carnival, where I could ride the rides, play some games, get

The Nest...

Tonight while putting my son to bed, I asked him this question, "Do you want to go in the nest?" With a giant grin on his face, he nodded fervently. "The Nest" is a pregnancy pillow that has been used for some time as a supportive sleeping arrangement for a little boy who can't move or support himself. The feeling of being surrounded by a pillow, his knees at a slight bend and the sides hugging him..It must be amazing and comforting. Within 10 minutes he was asleep. If you don't know about my cutest boy, he has a very rare muscular disease called Myotubular Myopathy. He has had it since birth and it causes severe weakness in all the major muscle groups. He is in a wheelchair full time, but goes to school, has friends, is one of the greatest boys ever. When I think about his life and the few real choices he has, I think about the things that bring him real joy...the things that he loves... I think about my own life and the struggles that have been prese