I have struggled to blog this week...it has been an extremely difficult week. A week of loss and a week of gifts. My dear friends lost their son and, yet, during this most difficult time, they wrote the most beautiful updates on Facebook and shared what was happening during this time. It was a window into their life as they were losing their son. Each song, bath time, and tear was documented. It was a gift to those of us who knew this family, knew their son, was mourning with them. It gave us an opportunity to be there and support them...it was their gift to us. During those last days, they discovered that they were able to donate their precious son's organs to help others...in their unselfishness, they gave this gift to others.
In the last ten years, we have lost over one hundred children...none have been easy, but some have struck in the depth of my heart...this boy was one of those. My heart was shattered. Sometimes a child speaks to your heart in a deep and personal way. This was one of those children...I held him when he was a baby...I kissed his sweet face.
This is a reminder that this could be me...my turn could come when I am mourning my own loss. I don't want that time to come, I don't even like to think or talk about it. Text message between myself and a friend, promising to hold each other accountable, promising that we would be there for each other, promising that we would help each other in our time of need. Pacts that were made with the hope of never needing to uphold them. This only scratches the surface of having a child with life threatening disease.
Healing is a long process. Putting your heart back together one piece at a time. For those who have experienced this shattering loss, one finds that your heart is never truly whole again. Small cracks have formed between pieces, letting light through. Maybe this light is the sweet light of the angel child there to fill the spaces in your broken heart. Their sweet spirit working as a salve to fill the cracks, not taking the pain away, but rather opening you to the healing to come. True healing comes when you share with others, listening to the joy that your child brought to them.
I have been blessed knowing so many of these sweet angels. I imagine my heavenly place with them healthy, happy, and strong. I am deeply saddened for their families but will not lie that I hope my turn never comes. Maybe that is selfish, and for that I am sorry...grief can be all consuming...I want to be someone who helps to put people back together...helps to bring the salve to heal their broken and shattered hearts.
I want to bring love to those who are broken...and heal the grief...