I is for Insanity...

Insanity...

My youth was filled with it. I grew up with a mother that was (probably) certifiable (if that was something that would happen in that time...)

Sometimes I think of those times of my youth which was a bit like a life-like cartoon...a crazy woman raising two children. Mood swings of an alcoholic and drug user caused much of my youth to blur. She was also an artist and in her times of clarity taught me how to Batik and Macrame...

She was a strong woman, an individual, crippled by her insecurities. A competing woman in her household, me as a young girl, was almost a war cry at times. She wanted me to be strong, as long as my strength didn't outdo hers..

Incredibly beautiful, men were drawn to her like moths to a flame, only to be eaten like a Black Widow consuming her mate. When I was young I remember looking to her, drawn in by her personality, her laugh, her smile, then as I got older, I realized that it was all a facade. By the time I left home at 14, I was wounded. I wanted her unconditional love, but instead I was competition.

Years passed before I was able to see her for who she was, a small flower, pushing through the dirt, trying to be seen. Showy and flashy, she wanted to be seen, but didn't want anyone to see her frailty which she perceived as weakness...

This Insanity has impacted me many ways throughout my life. It has made me question who I am,  my own sanity, my ability to mother my own children. My experiences have helped me to be a better teacher and, I hope, a better mother and wife.

Insanity...it's a special breed of genetics...








Comments

  1. Beautifully written and very poignant. I love your A to Z Challenge theme, too!

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  2. Thank you for sharing. Yes, let your experiences make you wiser and a better teacher. Beautifully written.

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  3. A heartfelt post. Good to see that you rose above it all. Very nicely written.

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  4. Very heartfelt. Experiences make us stronger. Thanks for sharing.

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