Disappointed, disheartened, defeated or determined?

Today was one of those days...One where you feel that every fiber of your being is being tested. Sometimes that is the way teaching is...some days it is because your students are pushing your buttons, sometimes it's the parents, sometimes your administrators. Regardless, it was one of those days.

I pride myself on being able to "look at the brighter side." Maybe some see me as a Pollyanna of sorts, but today I felt more like Sisyphus. Sisyphus was the god that was destined to push the boulder up the hill for eternity only to have it roll to the bottom when he neared the top (rinse and repeat!). That was today.

This year has been a challenging one. My students drag their feet and barely muster enough energy to try. Most days I feel like I am dragging a herd of horses up a hill. Today I felt like I drug them, then they stampeded me on the way down.

I felt defeated. A simple announcement at the beginning of the day destroyed my mojo. Damage control all day long. It was exhausting. I wanted to scream, throw a little tantrum, and march out of my room, but I didn't...I pulled it together and tried to make a semblance of a day. Need I mention that it was the last day of the quarter, so...beyond Crazytown?

Tonight I am trying to gather my feelings, have perspective. It's hard, I tell you, when I just want to join the naysayers, throw in the towel, and be done. I want things to improve...I feel like years of hard work are going down the toilet, I am exhausted.

Tomorrow is grading day. I have a few choices...I can be defeated and disheartened or I can choose to be determined. I know that I am the one in the power position here. I can choose my response. I can't choose my initial reactions, but I can choose my rebuttal, I can choose my actions from here.

If I want my job to be a place I love (and I do love it...I just don't really like it right now), then I must be part of the solution. I need to be determined. I need to shed the negativity and move forward. It will be hard. My heart was injured today...deep in a place that I thought it couldn't be. Trust was crushed, a chasm opened. I can choose my response...

I can be disappointed and grumble about the hallways, disheartened and defeated and give up, or I can choose to be determined. I cannot change what is around me...I can only change what is within me. I can make a decision and stand by it...not wavering or waffling..

I must choose my response. I will continue to push the rock (or pull the herd) up the hill because I have to believe that someday we are going to go over the crest of the hill and see the glorious sun on the other side.

Comments

  1. All the best!Here;s to the glorious sun!
    sia
    -www.vevisia.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, I hope today is a better day for you and your students! Maybe you need to do something really different to get them out of their funk. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well-- I love your attitude!! What grade do you teach? Here's to a cup of determination!!

    Cheers, Jenn

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sorry things are hard right now. Hopefully all of you will band together and turn it around! You certainly seem to have the right attitude to do that!

    ReplyDelete

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