I am but an iceberg...

How many of us feel that those around us, really don't know us? Some days, this is how I feel about myself, about my co-workers, about my students.

Most of the time we really don't know each other. Having deep, personal relationships with others is a difficult process. It doesn't just happen. We have to work at it.

We have different types of relationships in our lives. We have family, friends, acquaintances...some of these relationships are deep  and personal, while others are at the surface, never delving into the depths. We, as humans, crave contact with others at all levels. Sometimes we have to adapt to the changing relationships in our lives. A friendship that was once deep can change if circumstances change. Life changes can alter relationships dramatically both in a positive or negative way.

When my youngest son was born, we were involved in a variety of activities. We played soccer, were in a bowling league, went to dinners, went out with friends. The birth of our son changed our lives in many dramatic ways. One of the most dramatic was the painful process of finding out who among our friends were true friends. Many people that we counted as close, disappeared while others who had been along the sidelines, magically appeared and became our rocks. This evolution of friendships can be one that hurts our hearts in deep ways or, on the other hand, makes our heart soar.

In all of our lives we have had people that we thought we could count on that that let us down while others come from behind imaginary trees and rescue our souls. Relationships can be complicated,  difficult or they can be easy and comfortable. Experiencing deep connections with others is one of the things that makes us human...the ability to connect.

So, who are we? Is our true measure as individuals what is seen above the surface or what is deeply buried? Who do we allow to see those deepest, hidden parts? The parts of us that are below the surface are the parts of us that make us who we are to our core, they are the true measure of us. Who we choose to reveal these hidden gems to is crucial, they are the decisions that determine who we allow to see the rawest parts of our soul.

Without relationships in our lives, we are like plants without the sunlight, we will wither and die, but knowing that all relationships are not the same gives us power...the power to invite some to our inner sanctum, allowing us to share those deepest hidden parts, while others we let them float on the surface, something we can always keep looking shiny and new.

I am but an iceberg, made of many layers. Inside the deepest part of my soul lies my truest self...the self I am slowly learning to bring to the surface for all to see.