Being Human...

Today I had some work to do at the Oregon Department of Education, but I almost didn't go. I was feeling like a failure, having not completed all the work that I was supposed to do, and had decided to stay home and work from here. First came a text from one of my friends on the team (who lives far away) asking if I was coming. When I told her no, her disappointment came through on the next text. Then came a text from the team leader saying she was concerned and was I alright. Realizing from those two texts, that I was missed, and feeling appreciated, I pulled myself together, got in my car and left.

As I was driving down I-5, I had an epiphany...I am only human. Yes, to many this is obvious, but for me...not so much. I place an inordinate number of expectations upon myself, both realistic and not, every day and when I don't meet them I feel like a failure. Today, I worked though that a little because I acknowledged that I am only human.

Being human means that you make mistakes sometimes, that you don't always meet all expectations, that sometimes you are only able to give your second best, depending on the size of things that are on your plate.

Being human for me means that my "closet room" is still dirty with clothes all over the place, that I still haven't cleaned off the dining room table from when I did grades, and my laundry is not put away.

Being human, for me, means that I acknowledge that I am not a fantastic cook and this is an area where I could and want to learn more.

Being human, for me, means that I do not have to solve all the problems of the world, do not have to take on everything, and need to be satisfied when things may be done in a way that I wouldn't do it.

Growing up, I was the one that got things done. I was the reliable, steady one. If no one else would fix it, I would...now it's time to let a little of that go and be satisfied.

I am not perfect, nor will I ever be and that is okay.

My opinion may not be asked for and I don't need to give it.

I am free to say, "I cannot give 100% to this project and if you are okay with that, I'm in" or even say "No, I can't do that right now."

I need to give myself a break when I fail or even when I don't.

I am my own harshest critic. I think about one time talking with my parents about my grades in high school and they said they never worried about it. I was hard enough on myself.

I am learning to be okay with the person that I am and the person I want to be. I do not have the answers, I am not the answer, I am only human...

and I think that I am learning to be okay with that too.

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